from: another weekend bull, to: timely Monday
I have been avoiding sitting with my thoughts and staying at home for a month. The excuse was, officially, to do my research at the other part of the university. Somewhere far away.
I think too much, maybe that was the reason I was severely unable to function properly. I wonder if Socrates was killed because he was also thinking too much. Not gonna mention the overused word here. Sometimes I get this thought that I wish I could euthanize myself. Alas, in this very cloudy weekend I would like to point out a few of my thoughts outside of the routine during the weekdays.
Here comes the weekend. I could not avoid the weekend, no matter how much I yearn for it. I am home and not drifting around the massive land where I used to stroll waiting for a bus.
Not being able to enjoy the silence of shrieked wind in my veil, breathing the fresh air after it rains — petrichor, they say.
In two nights, my dying old habit resurfaced, I got woken up in the middle of the night. It’s usually around 2 till 3 am. I was not being able to fall asleep again. I reached for my phone, mindlessly scrolling the socials till the sun rose.
In the morning I felt the urge to do something other than rotting in my bed. I would take a long walk to grab my breakfast, but then something struck me and made my malady of thinking too much gotten in me.
The lack of acrimony within me made my satirical demeanor a bit boring I must say. My let-it-go trait couldn’t save me from any minor inconvenience. One thing I could only say to people if they asked me what I loved the most:
In all seriousness, despite all the great benefits of taking a long walk. It was never being on my main reason to love it. Never was and maybe never will. I simply admire the idea of how I can breathe in breath out fresh air while also sightseeing the surroundings, so simple yet can bring such peace of mind anyone could ever think of.
Maybe the idea of walking itself became the main ulterior motive for this writing. Even though my prior intention was to write about signs of crushing and the like, then I dropped the idea because I bear my full name here and it can be embarrassing to address the topics publicly. Thus, I think all of the smallest aspects of anyone can never be reckoned with concept emerge.
Until it became troubling, I started to ruminate about certain events in my dull life that I could pour into mini-short stories in Medium. Talks about oversharing, I often found myself refraining from this thought. Back and forth wanting to write as much as I can yet also resist this chronic malady — thinking way too much and too often.
I am still wondering about the excerpt I read somewhere that people were killed back in the day when they questioned — basically thinking way too much. Can’t find it anywhere.
The whole concept of thinking itself has been backed up by many researchers. From a neurologic perspective to a psychologic perspective. Even social science like communication studies has its terms for oneself perception. Self-concept itself I suppose, is derived from a psychological aspect.
The conceptualization of thinking itself ignites my curiosity, as I dearly enjoy learning from a psychological perspective. Sadly, I didn’t think the supervisor at my university would accept the idea of my thesis because it leaned toward the psychological aspect more than the communication itself.. just a thought.
